Wow. I haven't been on this account FOREVER. I kinda miss it. I don't even know why I'm on this at all. I mean I have xox_mousegirl to write in. Eh. Who knows.
I'm too lazy to sign out and sign back into xox_mousegirl, so I'll just write an entry here.
So yes... I'm procrastinating, as the title suggests. I have only handed in one lab so far this semester and I have two due tomorrow but I figure I can get them done in my morning classes or, if worst comes to worsts, during lunch.
I still have that paragraph for english to write. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing. I'll just smear some bullshit on a piece of paper and call it a night.
So apparently Tim won the Much Music VJ Search or whatever. He is cute, but I Sean had the talent. But I only watched two episodes, so what do I know? Apparently a lot of people care who won. On MSN I'm pretending that Sean won. It is very amusing.
My cell phone is broken. The screen gets all fucked up and it won't turn off. Meh. What do I expect. It's a piece of shit.
Marina just called asking about a lab I did not do. I don't even know how she got my phone number. Odd...
I think this is the most people I've had online for a while. The weird thing is, none of the people that I normally talk to are on.
Dum dum dum. Fuck. I love English, yes I do, but sometimes the work is just so tiring and pointless.
Can't wait for friday♥
+++Add me xox_mousegirl. I don't care if we talk or if I even know you. I just love starting meaningless relationships, You don't have to worry about hurting one another.
So I have a new El Jay. Why? Because I have grown out of this one. My new one is more personal. If I know you in person, I will most likely say something about you that I may not normally say. Or something. It is friends only. Comment and I'll add you.
I may or may not continue to use this one. I am not sure at the moment. Do what you want. I'm too busy to care at the moment.
My week went pretty well. Or something. I don't even know. I practically spent the whole week with The Boys (Billy, Adam and Pierce). Except for Tuesday and Thursday. I don't know what I did tuesday. Like no idea. I might have blogged about it... Who knows.
I spent Thursday with Brandon though. We went to chapters so I could buy a biography for my english summative. I bought 'Smashed'. It's (apparently) about this girl being drunk for nine years of her life. I wanted to buy the Edgar Allen Poe one, but I am poor and couldn't. We went to Starbucks so I could get myself tea. It was good. Really hot though. I only drank half of it because I wanted to get out of the store and I didn't feel like carrying it around. We then bussed back to my place and ended up at the water park across the tracks.
And for once I felt as if I made the right decision. I could've led him on, but I didn't. I wish I could've liked him. He was the best boyfriend I have ever had. I hope that we become friends, but I know it won't happen. It's so sad. I just... I just didn't want to lie to him.
It feels like... It feels like I'm being watched.
And into the silence she whispers three simple words.
"I love you."
1. Pick one thing from my interest list you like and tell me why.
2. Pick one thing from my interest list you don’t like and tell me why.
3. Pick one thing from my interest list you were surprised to see there and tell me why.
4. Pick one thing from my interest list you don’t understand and I’ll explain it to you.
5. Pick one thing that’s not on my interest list but you think it should be there.
I feel like crap. I want to just curl up and die. I think I'll go do that now.
Not only am I super worried and stress and confused, I am also sick.
Pitbulls are the scariest dogs ever.
Finding a decomposing deer corpse by the train tracks is disgusting...
...So is watching Adam eat practically raw steak.
Watching porn with three guys is, actually, not at all awkward...
...Not even when one of them takes off his pants...
...And tries to get you (the only girl present) to hide under the blanket with him.
Throwing objects at a ceiling fan is entertaining.
Carefully choreographed to avoid one another, their eyes graze the nothingness that surrounds the quiet aura that represents not love but the deep caring that two strangers will feel when they see their counterpart for the first infinite moment and it has an ending but never finishes for they are eternal in each others minds but their bodies will never join again and the slightest touch will wreck everything that has been developed so far and those hands must not wander while those minds meander in the earnest silence in the most languid way as it waits for an idyll that will explain everything.
I don't want to be a person anymore.
I want to be a... pillow. No! I comforter. I would comfort people and be warm. Lol. I am quite cold right now. Except not. I am sweating. Lol. Ew. Yucky.
Maybe I would be a rock. I would just do nothing. I would be nothing [except a rock]. I would fell nothing and think nothing. It would be a pleasant change.
I wonder what it would feel like to be forever. I don't think forever even exists. Everything ends at one point, doesn't it? That's what I've been told. That's what's I've been raised to believe.
I wonder who I would be if I had different parents. Or no parents. I would not be me. If I was raised by Serena and Thomas, would I be Amelia? Or would I just be another version of myself?
How does everyone see me? How would a stranger see me? How would my reflection see me? How would I see myself if I looked into my soul.
Did you know that when you look into a mirror, you are not seeing what other people see when they look at you? If you look into the mirror, you should part your hair to the side that looks worst. That's what I've learned from Sloppy Firsts.
Most of the time I'm freaking out about not seeing the world like it really is. I meant figuratively but now I realize that it is quite literal with me.
I wonder what it would be like to be my mum. Or my dad. Or Britney Spears. What ever happened to her? I recall envying her six or so years ago.
Now I must go play Solitaire with Billy. How contradictory.